The Ex-Boyfriend Dress
ex⋅boy⋅friend⋅dress [eks-boi-frend-dres] -noun Carefully planned attire worn to any event where the likelihood of running into your ex is 92% or higher. Delivers a clear message that only said ex reads but can almost always be deciphered as, “Look what you’ve been missing." Is never overtly slutty, trendy or frumpy. Looks better going than coming. Synonym: Middle Finger Dress *Side Note: Not to be confused with “Freakum Dress"
Last week, over Pino Grigio and cocktail dress fittings (isn’t it always) I found myself speaking of an upcoming trip and the probable need of an ex-boyfriend dress. This time comes for us all, maybe it’s only been three months or perhaps it’s been three years but the opportunity to come face-to-face with the one who’s hardly hot enough to shop for but still he let you go and it sucked so you must dress like the ten you are has found you. Enter the ex-boyfriend dress. The outfit who’s every last zipper and seam placement matters because those details are the words of the message you are sending. Maybe you’re going to run into him at a mutual friend’s birthday or perhaps there’s a big game at your favorite sports bar, no matter where you are going, it is important that the messenger has chosen an effortless look that doesn’t cry for attention but demands it. The ex-boyfriend dress tells him you’ve not only been doing fine without him but you’ve been having the time of your life. That job you didn’t think I could get? Got it. That apartment that was out of my league? Please. The ex-boyfriend dress is nothing more than a simple reminder to yourself and him that you’ve never been better. It is sexy but not slutty, fun but not crazy and always, always looks good walking away.
“When you live on a tiny island like Manhattan, the odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high. The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher.”-Sex and the City
…don’t bump into him looking like shit.
PS. Aforementioned trip has since been cancelled. I would rather buy a new handbag.
image via Departured